Zissy's Zoo

i had a call from benjamin yesterday and he is getting everything step-up to come back to the boston area. he has called his old landlord and reserved one of her vacancies and he's looking into schools and work. i'm proud of him because he knows that he made a mistake leaving without checking everything out first but he isn't asking for help this time and he's pulling it all together himself. i will always want to lend a helping hand but i can't and i have learned through this as well. i'm being a sounding board and nothing more or nothing less. i need to know that he can make his own way in this world because i'm not in the best of health and one never knows. i might live to be 103 but i might not and i need to know that i taught my child to take care of himself because he is the only one he can truly depend on. i'm only saying that because we have very limited family contact and he is an only child so i have told him that he needs to choose his friends wisely and those family members that he does have to treat them with love and understanding. i think i have done a good job but of course i'm not perfect and neither is he. i want the best for my child and i hope that standing back and letting him handle his own life without my input will be the best gift i can give him. being a parent is the most wonderful job in the world but also the scariest. when i see very young women having children i wonder how in the world will they be able to handle the difficulties that arise? i was 20 when i had benjamin and i think that was way to young to have a child. we basically grew up together in the worst of conditions. we came through it ok but the scars are deep and slow to heal. our lives are moving forward and we can finally see a flicker at the end of the tunnel. life lessons learned with many more ahead and it will be fun to see which roads we will choose.